No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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