Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
