Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
