He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
