i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The Olympian is in my bed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
