There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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