My liver just broke up with me...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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