I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
