I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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