I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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