woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
