Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You took a bar mat shot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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