What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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