its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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