If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
