white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
