the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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