you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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