I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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