oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
