"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
