I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
did you just send me my own nude
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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