At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
