hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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