I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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