He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
