So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
