I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Couch. On fire.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
