After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
