I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
