you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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