the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
