I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
