I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
