Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
