He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
