i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
