There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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