the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
