you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
