Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
