You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
