He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
