He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
