life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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