Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
