so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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