So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
