we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
