I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
