I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
