am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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