had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
