Your dad touched me again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
