So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
