If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
